(CNN Philippines) — They say Filipinos are genetically predisposed to singing, and it’s no wonder why we love any tool, instrument, and technology that will help us sing: from tansan tambourines, to musical armpits and of course, the videoke. In fact, a Filipino holds the patent for the karaoke machine, the forerunner of the videoke.
Filipinos use a videoke to mark milestones of human existence: birthdays, weddings and even funerals.
In fact, we don’t need actual occasions to justify videoke sessions: reunions with elementary, high school, college, masteral, doctoral and seminar friends; promotion and last-day-in-office parties; celebrating times we fell in love and mourning break-ups, Pacquiao victories and Manny-was-cheated-sob-videoke parties.
And since it’s the month of May, there will surely be fiesta videoke sessions.
Since the videoke is now an integral part of the lives of urban and rural Pinoys, we ought to establish rules in its use.
Admit it, most videoke sessions are not confined to some four-cornered darkly lit rooms we rent. Videoke-singing has become a performance art of sorts that involve the community — most of the time, forcibly.
And so I’m advocating a set of rules, which Congress in its downtime can approve into law. They can’t pass the FOI anyway so this will be a good replacement to shore up the institution’s image, or what’s left of it.
Rule 1:
Sing appropriate songs. Do not sing “Separate Lives” during wedding or anniversary videokes. Please don’t allow kids to sing any Aegis Song. Or Miley Cyrus’ “Wrecking Ball.”
Rule 2:
Sing in your pitch. Do not sing “Total Eclipse of the Heart” if you really can’t. Seek the advice of someone who loves you dearly before singing something like this.
Rule 3:
Refrain from singing the second voice while singing the melody. It’s confusing and it will look like a scene from The Exorcist.
Rule 4:
Don’t be competitive. Videoke/karaoke competitions have been linked to “My Way” deaths.
Rule 5:
It’s okay to be creative, but don’t mangle the lyrics too much. Singing “stinking out loud” to Ed Sheeran’s “Thinking Out Loud” does not produce a pleasant image. And so is: “Take me into your eleven arms…”
Rule 6:
Choose songs with audio-video lock, meaning the video should TOTALLY be related to the lyrics or the song’s narrative. Footage of gyrating women in bikinis do not help the story-telling of the all-time favorite “Baa Baa Black Sheep.”
Rule 7:
Look at the clock. Unless you’re singing the Pabasa, you should stop at midnight. Don’t contribute to next day’s road rage.
Dennis Vickers in Passing Through Paradise said “Karaoke divides humanity into two groups: “Those who don’t like to sing and shouldn’t be compelled; and those who do but shouldn’t be allowed.”
